check it. there's a baby in me

excuse me while i go barf real quick, before i post this.
(don't take your prenatal's before you have food in your stomach)
it's been an adventure trying to get this written ;) anyways!...

yesterday, we had our first real OB meeting with Dr. Hewitt in Ruidoso! i was so excited the night before that I didn't sleep all that well, and was a pretty slow mover in the morning. danny was over the moon excited though, he kept saying, "we leave in 1 hour!," then, "we leave in 30 minutes!" i was trying to finish my episode of "desperate house wives," because i felt that was very important in my schedule. don't ask how i got started on watching that, haha. so at about 12:45 PM we hopped into the car and away we went on our one hour drive. (i know right? the dr. is one hour away!?) well, there aren't any real good dr.'s here in town, you have to drive a ways - it's worth it to see someone who will give a flip about the human inside your uterus though.

the drive there felt like it took forever. i kept telling danny, "what if there's nothing in there!?" i said this as a nervous first timer-since you can't feel anything  moving inside of you - you have this fear in the back of your head that you are going to see a blank screen. danny laughed, and said, "it will be there." when we finally got there we were starvin marvin's so we had to stop at the closest place possible, of course there it was         "mc donalds." those golden arches are always there to save the day-seriously, it feels like they build them within 5 inches of each other all over the world. pretty much everything at mickey dee's looked disgusting to me. i ended up nibbling on a cheeseburger right before the appointment. trust me, it was probably enough calories to last baby and i the rest of july.

i realize now what a dweeb i really am, because as i was eating my burger i kept thinking, "what if they see the food on the ultrasound?!" yeah, um...azlyn, you uterus remember??? seriously, this kid is taking all intelligence away from me. naturally, i blame the child. ;) but seriously, mcdonalds is like the last thing you want to be caught eating when pregnant! sometimes, i feel like the pregnancy police are going to bust through my door and tell me that my choice to eat that disgusting burger will result in my kid having five heads. yikes!

any-who back to the important story. so, we arrived at the dr.'s and the first thing i had to do was pee in a cup. of course, this was after i had already just peed because i was holding it the entire way to the dr's. needless to say thank heavens pregnant ladies can pee on the spot, because somehow by a miracle i was able to deliver. it was exhilarating! i felt so special with my own plastic cup, so loved. after i peed in the cup, i jumped on the scale-this is always the part where the nurse says, "no way, you are only 88 pounds," yup, that's right ... i'm still 88 pounds. i promise i ate a bag of chocolate donuts the other day-hoping to gain weight-but it didn't work. then it's always fun when they say, "does your family have a risk for proxiwleksozlkjaowijfiej?" and i get to say, "yeah, i'm adopted." so, they get all excited because they don't have to ask 95 questions. it's kind of cool not knowing your family background ya know? um...just kidding. it's like a pop up book, you just pray nothing bad ran down the family line. but hey, if we have a kid with purple hair and yellow eyes it's not my fault! blame my indian family! enough rambling...

so, next i had to get a lovely exam. which was not bad at all, except for the fact that they give you paper gowns to wear and of course i ripped mine. you know, there just isn't a lot of privacy when you are pregnant. i mean, there's only one way to get to the kid, and unfortunately it's not all that awesome. but, you do what you have to do when you know there's a baby all up in your jazz. so, i just laughed the entire way through it. those paper gowns though, they are something else. i was trying not to move around in fear i would tear it all the way! okay i'll spare you the gross details, all went well, and then they brought danny in for the ultrasound. this was when our dr. came in and she was AWESOME. she was sweet, chatty, knew her stuff, and all about us and this baby (which i loved). it was comforting to be able to talk to someone about it. you kind of go through the beginning of the pregnancy feeling alone (when you live all the way in new mexico, don't have a mom to call, and have no idea what to expect) - so this was very comforting. all my deepest questions were answered-it was magical. (ok, i'm just being a fruit-ignore that).

danny and i had been joking around because there was a mad thunderstorm going on outside, and we made bets that the power would go out right when we got to see our baby. well, it did folks! ha! it was too funny. and of course right before we were about to do the ultra sound i had to pee, like really...could i have picked a better time for this! you try walking down the hallway in front of other patients in a paper gown, talk about embaressing! i just kept saying, "hi, i'm pregnant." as if that would make everything okay..o geeze.

when it was finally time to see baby, it only took the dr. about three seconds to find it! the dr. thought we were having twins at first because i had a small tear in my uterus, i guess it's normal and will heal right up. she had to call in the "sonographer lady" (i just made that up, if it's wrong tuff snuffs) to verify, because at first it looked like another sac. i was crossing my fingers and freaking out saying, "please just be one!" i think one is a great way to start off - i don't even have enough room for one inside of me! thankfully it was only one, and everyone laughed at my humor.

 here's where it gets surreal and i might have to grab the kleenex box! i was lying there looking up at the ultrasound in the dark and saw the baby right away, but for some reason it didn't dawn on me that it was a baby, inside of me, and mine. danny's reaction was seriously cute, he yelled "WOAH!" which helped to sort of make me realize this was something important we were looking at. it was kind of one of those moments in slow motion, it goes by quick, but i kept saying-that's yours, there it is, the thing that makes you miserable every day...it's on the screen. and then the best part happened the part i didn't expect to really move me. without warning she played the heartbeat and i almost cried. it was fast! 180bpm and when i heard it, i realized it was a person, a little person in there who was mine to take care of for a while. i can't explain the sweet feeling of somehow knowing that for now, while it is inside of you, it's sort of yours to protect. as we watched it on the screen, it began to move (coolest thing ever), it kind of swam and wiggled around. it was cool to see it's body move in such a "real" sort of way, a way that told you it was alive. it sounds creepy, but trust me, it was incredible. at one point it faced the screen and put its arms out to the side of it, i thought about my nikon for some reason and wanted to snap that shot-i'll have to keep that moment in my memory though because it was too quick to capture. it looked like a little gummy bear with stubby arms, so cute and little. we had about 3 people in the room with us, and when it did it's gummy bear pose everyone got excited. these ladies that work around this all day, still got excited. they all kind of yelled "oh my goodness get that picture, it's so cute!" it really was cute, even if it didn't resemble a human yet-haha. it was a miracle.

on the drive home i thought a lot about our heavenly father. how he gives life to those spirits above, and how i was blessed to be a mother to one. i thought about how i don't have a clue how to be a mom, but i held the photos of that baby the whole way home-and every time i glanced at them i thought, "i'm your mom." it was a really big day for us. the first day we saw our first baby. i won't ever forget it. i've waited for this child for so long, so eager to teach it, to guide it, to help it, to be there for it, to make it laugh...and boy i can't wait to stop calling it "it!" 

our baby measured at 20.6 mm, and is due February 27th, 2014! it was nice to finally know the due date, so we could know when in the world i got pregnant! we will find out the sex of the babe around my birthday, and our next appointment will be my 12 week mark on august 19th. i get to go have a bunch of blood taken, and after that we schedule to find out the sex of the baby - i'm. so. excited.

danny and i thought we should celebrate, so we stopped at casa de suenos and ate mexican food. i ate SO many chips people, it was insane. when we got back in the truck, i was instantly tired, and went home and slept for like 3 hours of my life. it's exhausting having all that emotion packed into one day!

danny has been amazing. he cleans the liter box for jane, makes sure the dogs backyard is clean, does the dishes (because the smell repels me), makes me bubble baths, cooks my dinner, snuggles with me, and has long talks with me. thank heavens i married well. i think seeing the baby really made it more "real" for the both of us, and i'm glad. i kept thinking, "how am i going to pay danny back for all he does for me!? oh right....i'm going to birth him a kid...that ought to do it. ;)"

so now i have been sent home to live out my days until august 19th shoving kix honey cereal down my throat and dreaming of filling my mouth with bazooka bubble gum until i drop dead. i've already had a million dreams that giving blood at my next appointment will result in my death. yes, i am terrified of needles in me, and heavens, i've never donated blood-never weighed enough! so, i'm freaking out. yippy. can't wait for that blog post. ;)

here's our little goblin, that we ♥ already.