morning sickness-not.

i just wanted to give you a quick update on what i've been up to,
 for those of you that asked.

if you have been paying attention to my oh so annoying and consistent facebook status's about how sick i've been, i want you to know first off that i'm sorry. i had no intention of filling your feed with my sickness-but that's ALL i've been doing lately-is being sick. there really is nothing else i can think of. my "morning sickness" started around the end of week 6 and has been going strong ever since. around week 9 it peaked and got really out of control-i couldn't even hold down chicken broth, or a flippin popsicle! i lost 6 pounds in one week, and started to realize something was very wrong with me. one morning when i woke up, danny had made me some french toast (it smelled so heavenly). when i finally had enough energy to wander into the kitchen, i sat down to eat and realized i couldn't lift my fork. i think that was about the time i burst into tears, i just sat there for a minute watching the dogs eat their breakfast and thought about my mom when she was so sick from her chemotherapy and couldn't eat a thing. danny was sweet of course, he came over and cut up my food for me, and let me cry on him for a while. it was that day that i called the doctor and told her how i felt. she was worried about me, and called back a day later to tell me that my symptoms sounded like i definitely had hyperemesis gravidarum known as HG.

here's a legit definition of it. 

Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a complication of pregnancy characterized by intractable nausea, vomiting, and dehydration and is estimated to affect 0.5–2.0% of pregnant women.^[1][2] Malnutrition and other serious complications, such as fluid or electrolyte imbalances, may result.

i don't know what regular morning sickness is like for pregnant women, because mine has not been "normal" in the slightest. i throw up 4 times a day at minimum, and my stomach hates anything i eat or try to drink. i "feel" nausea 24/7, there is no grace period. it's not like i can sip some ginger tea, or lay on my side, or eat small meals and it goes away-i've tried everything. so my doctor said the only thing we could do was make sure that i could keep the liquids down so that i didn't get dehydrated, and so that me and the baby could at least be healthy. she prescribed me zofran to start off with. i've taken it, and it has done a lot for me. i still without fail throw up 3 times a day at the most, but it's better than 6. i still have some days where holding water down, is like doing the impossible. today is one of those days actually. i have eaten 4 pieces of toast, and 4 sips of water. i threw up half of it at 9:45am, and the other half at 12:15pm. i'm sitting here wondering what i should try next. 

the toilet and i are like best friends. we have a routine. i close my eyes, and hold my nose and flush on the third vomit so that i don't have to handle it. then i continue. and i know when i'm about to throw up because my body gives me a 30 second warning-thank heavens. i spend a lot of time lying on the couch, or laying in bed tossing and turning trying to get some relief. i'm my mother's daughter so i've learned how to speak as if i am doing fine, and walk as if i am doing fine-but i am miserable. there isn't much anyone can do for me, i'm just hoping around week 13 it will ease up, and so is my doctor. i've come close to landing myself in the hospital with IV fluids, but i push myself to do my best not to have to go there. i've become talented and refusing to throw up so that SOMETHING can digest. lol. 

i can't do the dishes, do the laundry, make the bed, or even shower some days. i stopped driving because it made me too sick, and i have trouble standing for more than 20 minutes. but i do have small moments were the lord is kind and i'm able to bear my trial, it doesn't go away-but sometimes he blesses me to be able to do that church calling, or visit a friend for a few moments. and he usually helps me out when i'm at that breaking point-prayer is so powerful.

i'm still excited to have a baby-somewhere inside of me...haha, can you blame me? i think it will be easier to be excited once this goes away. i've joked with danny, telling him this will be his only child so he better make it count! haha, but i'm trying to stay positive. if there is anyone out there who went through HG i'm so sorry for you. it bites big time. but...i'm totally going to make it through it-and i'd do anything for my kid. 

ok, no joke-i have to go throw up now...audios. hopefully the next post will be better! ;)